Forget what I said before!

Forget almost everything that I have said in my previous posts!!  I say almost everything---one thing remains:  I WILL run the Disney Princess Half Marathon next February.  But, I've just changed my path to get there.  I previously had decided to go back on Medifast to help me lose the weight that I had gained back after ending Medifast a little over a year ago.  I started Medifast on the 31st and quickly changed my mind after 4 days.  Why?  O. M. G.  The headache.  I knew that I would feel rough for the first few days as my body went into ketosis.  I've been there before.  But this time around, the headache was unbearable. 

Maybe since I'm currently being treated for chronic headache/occipital neuralgia things were worse this time around.  I don't know but I know that I couldn't take it!  I got a headache the second day on plan and it was totally expected.  I just didn't expect the intensity of it.  I had to work that night and wasn't sure how I would make it through 12 hours of work.  Part of my mistake was trying to start Medifast when I only had shakes on hand to eat for 2 days.  Five shakes a day didn't sound too bad until I tried it.  It became harder and harder to get the shakes down even though I like them on a normal day.  Still, I made it through the night of work.  There was no way I could stomach another shake when I got home, so I simply ate some protein and went to bed, hoping that my shipment of Medifast food would arrive before I woke up.

After sleeping, I felt a little better but still have that horrendous headache.  I was happy to find my boxes of Medifast food waiting for me, but found it was hard to even get any food down since I was still feeling so shaky and nauseated along with my pain.  I took an Imitrex (med I take when I have a migraine) and eventually I began to feel better.  I made it through the rest of the day on plan and felt that I had made it through the worst.

I was wrong.  Very wrong.  Thursday (Day 4) had so much promise to be better.  I finally had different foods to eat than just shakes and I was past the 3 days that were so rough last time I did this.  By about noon that day, I started to feel a headache coming on.  Now it is not unusual for me to have a headache.  I actually usually have one every single day.  But this headache was different.  It hurt in a different place and even laying down would not help.  I had an appointment at the pain clinic that I go to for treatment of my already chronic headaches.  I was going as a followup to an occipital nerve block that I had received in December.  I had received about 10 days of relief with that block.  As I sat in the exam room and waited to see the nurse practitioner, my headache got worse and worse.  I considered laying down on the exam table while I waited.  I mean, I WAS in a pain clinic--surely other people have been in pain while being there before!

Ok, here is where most people will think that I am crazy!  I didn't even mention how much pain that I was in while I was at the PAIN clinic.  I have my reasons.  I really do.  First of all, I really knew that my headache had to be from my diet.  Also, this headache was on a different side of my head than it usually is, so I really didn't want to go down the road of working up that side of my head after I have been through so much with the left side!  So, I just discussed my normal pain with the NP and didn't mention that I felt like I was dying.  That's the thing about dealing with chronic pain that sometimes people don't understand.  I can totally act like I'm not hurting when I am miserable and I think that is why my road to relief has been so long.  Getting someone to believe me is never easy. 

I left the pain clinic with an appointment for another occipital nerve block and a prescription for a muscle relaxer to be taken at bedtime each day.  I also left feeling like I wanted to curl up in my car and make the pain stop.  But I had to drive home---the pain center is about 45 minutes from my house.  First, I had to stop at the hospital where I work to pick up my prescription for my Imitrex.  I knew I at least needed to try to take something for my headache.  It took everything I had to make it to the pharmacy and then I had to wait about 30 min while they filled my prescription for the muscle relaxers.  That's the thing about my insurance through the hospital.  Any medicine that is taken on a daily basis can only be filled at the employee pharmacy at the hospital.  I miss the drive through at CVS.  Well, actually I really miss my daddy filling them at his pharmacy, but that doesn't work since I don't live in my hometown any more. 

Finally, finally, finally I made it home.  I took an Imitrex and went straight to my bed.  Usually laying down while help with my pain but this headache wasn't having it.  I was miserable.  I considered going to the urgent care center but finally took a Lortab that I had from previous dental surgery.  Relief!  The headache finally eased off.  I knew right then and there that I could not continue Medifast.  Anything that made my body feel that bad isn't right for me.  I have spent too much of my life fighting headaches to do something to myself to give me one.  I also knew that I was kidding myself by thinking going back on Medifast would be the cure because diets end.  And when they do, the weight will come back.  I know that I need to simply make lifestyle changes.  I KNOW how to eat healthy.  I just don't usually do it.  But I know that I can.  I also know that any plan that doesn't allow me to eat fruit or nuts and restricts my veggie intake is not good for me.  So, after allowing myself a decidedly unhealthy meal from ChickFilA, I have been just making healthy choices. 

I know that I won't be perfect, but I know that I have to try.  I constantly think in my head "How did I let myself get like this?  How did I let it go this far?"  And I am extremely overwhelmed at the journey I have ahead of me.  I know that to get to my goal of running the half marathon I have to lose the weight too. 

I am at peace with my decision.  And I lost 3 lbs the first week! 

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